I’ve been to my share of weddings. I’ve seen friends, families, and coworkers exchange nuptials and host revelries in various ways, from small, humble receptions that were backyard potluck-powered to fancier affairs where I got the one valet who couldn’t drive a stick shift.

But I’ve never been to a trashy wedding.

I’m talking about tailgates substituting for chairs, the photographer snapping pics from a deer blind, Canadian tuxedos sans sleeves, groomsmen blowing massive vape plumes, and receptions ending with half the wedding party under felony arrest. I imagine the libation of choice at such an affair would be cinnamon-flavored whiskey Fireball. The Four Loko of whiskey, Fireball, is so sweet and spicy that it goes down smooth and makes bad decisions feel good.