With Thanksgiving just around the corner, you’re probably already piecing together your menu and making a mental checklist of all the things you won’t discuss with your Aunt Karen. But then you get the call from your Mother about your nephew—the one who attends that delightfully overpriced liberal arts college? He’s sworn off meat forever and now you’ll need to find a vegan alternative or else he’ll have to join Aunt Karen at the local Denny’s.

Well, dear reader, fret no more. Let us introduce you to The Pardon.