Listen, if you want to get ketchup out of that Heinz bottle, you’re supposed to tilt the vessel at a 45-degree angle and bang on the 57. That’s it.

You can use the palm of your hand or do a karate chop. Hell, use a hammer. What do I care?

There’s no voodoo or alchemy to this. There are no dark arts or blueprints necessary to make your ketchup happen. You certainly don’t hold the bottle straight over your food and shake, because, what are you? Some kind of animal? You just hit the side of the bottle and, voila, cat soup.