Dieline’s Friday Wrap-Up: Stove Top Sweats, Recyclable Ketchup Caps, and Green Bean Casserole Sparkling Water

Thanksgiving is my very own personal Super Bowl. This year, I’m going a little too hard on the Molly Yeh portion of the menu, likely because I was recently forever changed by “hot dish,” and I secretly long to be a Midwesterner. 

I’m not serving a hot dish, and while there won’t be any Stove Top on my table, I’m about to throw 25 bones down on these sweatpants with “360-degree stuffin’-stretch technology.”

That’s right, the Stove Top Thanksgiving sweatpants are back, with a stretchable stuffing waistband, perfect for the turkey day enthusiast who treats the day as pure sport. Apparently, they have an extra cargo pocket for sneaking stuffing into, which is a little unhinged, but you do you, freak.

Anywho, here are some links.

Extremely Hardcore Quitting

Amidst all the recent Twitter drama and fiery ultimatums tied to pledges about forcing engineers to work long hours and sleep in the office, you might have missed Balenciaga giving the social media platform the tried and true Irish goodbye. Most folks see Twitter slowly but purposefully barreling into an iceberg, and plenty of brands are worried about the site's future. Don't be surprised if more brands start jumping ship.

UPDATE (and note to self): Don't write your Friday column BEFORE the mass evacuation of Twitter's workforce.

Big D Energy

I’m a company man, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the Dieline Awards are back. Submissions are open, and we even have some new categories— best brand collab, best startup brand, and, yes, NFTs. 

Get that D, kids. Enter now.

Put a Lid On It 

It only took nine years, 185,000 hours, and $1.2 million, but Heinz has finally developed a recyclable ketchup bottle cap. As it turns out, in a Fast Company exclusive (what gives, big ketchup?), the original plastic bottle cap included a nearly impossible-to-recycle flexible silicone valve that MRFs would have to separate for it to get repurposed. The new cap is made entirely of polypropylene and will still give you that easy-squeezy controlled blast of ketchup you’ve long depended on for maximum burger saucing.

Of course,no one in this country bothers to recycle anything. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but that recyclable cap (and bottle) is likely coming to a landfill near you.

Babe, You OK? You’ve Barely Touched Your Green Bean Seltzer

Aura Bora just got on the Thanksgiving hype train, and they’ve released a green bean casserole sparkling water. They describe it as “buttery.”

Anyway, thanks for making me vom, Chloe.

I'm Not Good Enough, I'm Not Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Don’t Like Me

Do yourself a solid and give Disappointing Affirmations a follow, especially if you’re looking for brutally honest nuggets of wisdom on how everything might NOT be OK. 

Interviewed in Vice this past week, creator Dave Tarnowski employs serene images of blue skies, sunsets, and babbling brooks set to bitingly real mantras on living with anxiety and depression.

“A lot of people don’t want mental illness touched upon in any sort of funny way,” Tarnowski said to Vice. “I mean, obviously, it’s not a funny thing. To be mentally ill is not funny. But that being said, for somebody who goes through these things to make light of it, it sort of takes a little of the power away from it. It takes a little bit of the darkness away from it.”

But I Want The Red Cup With The Union Banner On It, Santa!

Folks have some weird-ass holiday traditions. For instance, on “Red Cup Day,” Starbucks customers will allegedly line up when the store opens to get their hands on this year’s reusable holiday cup. It also happens to be one of the busiest days of the year for the coffee chain.

But this year, however, there was a chance that your favorite Starbucks was closed for yesterday’s festivities as more than 1,000 workers went on strike for better wages, healthcare, and staffing. What’s more, leaders on the picket line tried to win customers over by instead offering them a limited-edition red cup with the Starbucks Workers United logo on it. 

So now I have to track down one of those cups. Get at me, Starbucks Union!

Make Your Own 99 Cent AriZona Can 

Kudos to Rudy for sending this my way. AriZona is turning 30 years old, and as part of the celebration, they’re inviting fans to design their own AriZona can labels with their Thirsty Thirty contest. I made a Honeyed Sparkling Apple Carrot Cranberry Black Tea with Birthday Cake called Tom Bombadil because I’m disgusting.