Featured image for Hi, I Would Like Lizzo's Bedazzled Bottle Of Patrón

Hi, I Would Like Lizzo's Bedazzled Bottle Of Patrón

by Bill McCool on 08/27/2019 | 2 Minute Read


I have not watched the VMAs since the late 90s. I am also 40-years old, and I Don’t Have Time For That ShitTM because kids, work, and my weekly hate-view of Bachelor in Paradise, thank you very much. Also, I didn’t even know the VMAs still existed, so please, I do beg your pardon.

But I can tell you what I do have time for, and that’s Lizzo

I listened to some crazy shit this summer—blistering Japanese psysh, UK Jazz, stoney bedroom ambient crap, and the Descendants 3 soundtrack (again, kids), but it was Lizzo that was the sound of BBQs and drives to the beach, and I’m a true believer now. 

Editorial photograph

Anywho, last night Lizzo played the VMAs, and she was not only seen carting around a sparkly, bedazzled bottle of Patrón, but she also stopped in the middle of her performance in front of a large, blow-up booty to take a shot of the stuff.

I don’t even like tequila, but Lizzo convinced me I also needed that shot PLUS that sparkly-ass bottle of wonder. Sure, the internet is calling it a “mood,” but I feel like I need something bedazzled in my life, and that would look great on a shelf.

TL;DR pretty sure Patrón is going to release this blinged-out bottle in conjunction with Lizzo any day now, and if so, I’ll happily accept this on behalf of Dieline.

Anyway, shouldn’t have watched Bachelor in Paradise last night. Sorry, Lizzo.