Official Trump Straws Want To Make Plastic Great Again

by Rudy Sanchez on 07/22/2019 | 2 Minute Read

Lots of things set President Trump apart from previous holders of the office, one of those differences is in his ability to hock and inspire merch. It's not much of a surprise considering his experience pitching gilded garbage and faux luxury, from watches, bottled water, and even board games. We can now add plastic straws to the list of Trump-branded swag for sale.

As part of the Trump/Pence 2020 line of campaign merchandise, these red plastic straws come with the following description: “Liberal paper straws don’t work. STAND WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP and buy your pack of recyclable straws today.”

Although the straws are described as “recyclable” twice, the small size and flexibility of straws means many recycling facilities are unable to process them.

Editorial photograph

The red, laser engraved plastic straws are also described as reusable (gross!), BPA-free and made in the USA. Owning the George Soros-bankrolled liberal machine isn’t cheap—a ten pack goes for a whopping $15. By contrast, you can buy a 1,000 straws from Amazon for the same price, although their effectiveness against America-hating socialists is unknown.

Plastic straws came into focus when a graphic video of a one being removed from the nostril of a sea turtle went viral, prompting calls for a ban on the utensil. San Francisco and Seattle were among the first cities banning plastic straws, with many others following suit. Some conservatives question the impact plastic straws make, with others seeing it as further government encroachment upon personal freedom—no, really. Some states have enacted preemptive bans on straw prohibitions, pitting progressive cities against their more conservative statehouses.

If you want to stick it to the soyboys and drink your Diet Coke through a straw, you’re too late, as all the other deplorables bought them all up and they’re sold out as of this writing.

You may also like